Over the years I’ve attended countless meetings, conferences, workshops, and speeches. Somewhere along the way—I’m not even sure where anymore—I learned one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever received as a storyteller.
It may have been at a Toastmasters meeting.
It may have been at a National Speakers Association conference.
It may have come from another storyteller whose name I’ve long since forgotten.
I honestly don’t remember.
What I do remember is the lesson.
Someone said, “When you tell a personal story, make someone else the hero.”
That simple sentence has stayed with me for years.
The funny thing is, even the lesson itself proves its own point.
Here I am sharing one of the best storytelling ideas I’ve ever learned, and I can’t even take credit for it. It belonged to someone generous enough to share it with me. Like so many good things in life, it was passed from one person to another.
For a long time, I thought that advice applied only to storytelling.
Then I realized it described my entire life.
One experience taught me that lesson better than any other.
Years ago, I had the privilege of serving as the national president of the African American employee organization at Southwestern Bell, now AT&T. One of my responsibilities was meeting with our CEO, Ed Whitacre, and other senior officers to discuss hiring, promotions, compensation, and opportunities for African American employees throughout the company.
From the outside, it looked like I was the leader.
I was the one walking into the executive conference room.
I was the one making the presentation.
I was the one answering the questions.
But before I ever walked into Mr. Whitacre’s office, I walked into several other offices first. I carried my presentations to seasoned African American executives and leaders I trusted. “What do you think?” “What am I missing?” “How would you answer this question?” They challenged my thinking. They sharpened my ideas. They reminded me to focus on solutions instead of emotions. They helped me understand the business while never losing sight of the people I represented. By the time I finally sat across the table from the CEO, it looked like I was speaking alone. I wasn’t. Delbert Dewitty. Monica Huddleston. Jahazzy Rooks. Sherry Green. Priscilla. Fred. Cynthia Marshall. Chuck Smith. And many others whose names have faded over the years, but whose influence never has. If I’ve forgotten a name, I’ve never forgotten the gift. Some taught me courage.
Some taught me strategy.
Some taught me patience.
Some simply believed in me until I believed in myself.
People saw one man speaking to the CEO.
I saw an entire community standing behind me.
Looking back, I realize they weren’t preparing me for one meeting.
They were preparing me for a lifetime of leadership.
That’s when I understood that making someone else the hero isn’t just a storytelling technique.
It’s a way of seeing life.
When we constantly make ourselves the hero, people may admire us for a while.
But when we recognize the people who believed in us, challenged us, encouraged us, corrected us, and loved us, our stories become richer because they’re more truthful.
Something else happens too.
Our audience begins thinking about the heroes in their own lives.
Instead of wondering how successful the speaker is, they remember the teacher who changed their future, the parent who sacrificed for them, the coach who pushed them farther than they thought possible, or the friend who refused to let them give up.
That’s when storytelling becomes more than entertainment.
It becomes gratitude.
Looking back over my own life, I realize that every worthwhile chapter includes someone who made me better.
My parents.
My teachers.
My coaches.
My mentors.
My colleagues.
My friends.
My family.
Even one of my favorite lessons—that we should make other people the heroes of our stories—was first given to me by someone else.
How appropriate.
Someone else became the hero of that story too.
So if I could pass along one lesson to every storyteller, every speaker, and every leader, it would simply be this:
Tell your personal stories.
Share your struggles.
Celebrate your victories.
But whenever you can, shine the spotlight on the people who helped make those victories possible.
You’ll become a better storyteller.
More importantly, you’ll become a more grateful person.
And remember this:
Someday, someone will tell a story about you.
Live in such a way that you’re remembered as the hero who helped someone else succeed.
Story Worth Telling: We rarely become the heroes of our own lives by ourselves. Every meaningful story has supporting characters who deserve center stage. Honor them, and your audience will remember both your story and their own.
A Question to Consider
Before the day is over, think of one person who helped make you who you are. Call them. Write them a note. Tell someone else about what they did for you. Then, the next time you tell that story, make them the hero.